Nobody likes Celia!
by gypsy rosalie
Summary: A boring English lesson soon turns to chaos as the girls consider who likes who. Miss Dickinson's sanity would never be the same... every pairing you can think of.


**I was watching the Simpsons episode where they all started going "Lisa likes Nelson...'' et cetera, and it just made me think of this. I own nothing, so don't sue. Very stupid, but I just had to write it.**

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><p>It was, as usual, Miss Dickinson's fault. How dare she, after all, try to teach when the girls were sleeping? It was the ungodly hour of eleven o'clock, and in a St Trinian's opinion, the morning didn't start til at least twelve o'clock. The sixth form girls were all slumped over their desks, heads down as the English teacher flitted about, reading an extrarct from 'Macbeth' a play none of them were very interested in.<p>

_'Out, out brief candle!_' she cried, dramatically leaping towards the front row, who didn't even flinch. '_Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more! _Now, girls, who can spot the metaphor in that soliloquoy? Anyone? Come on, it's easy!'

It was only now Miss Dickinson realised almost eveyone was fast asleep. She banged her fists on the desk.

'Wha?'

'Huh?'

'Aw, what time is it?'

She was met with a mass of groans as the girls arose from their slumber, grumpy and shooting furious glares at their teacher.

'Girls, now, please, pay attention! You may need to know about metaphors for your future careers, you know, don't you want to do well in your A-levels?'

No-one even bothered to answer. For anyone with half a brain, it was obvious that they couldn't care less.

'Now, please,' Miss Dickinson went on, 'try to stay awake, dears. I only ask for half an hour more of your time today. Now, let's pick up where we left off. _Life is but a walking shadow...'_

Kelly tried to tune out her trilling voice, resting her chin on her hand and directing her attention to the window. From her seat, she had a good view of the grounds, and she could see the twins' latest trick, all ready to go- a caveman-style trap attached to a tree, with an enormous unlocked safe underneath it. Anyone curious enough to examine it would end up dangling upside-down from a high branch, a prospect Kelly found rather amusing. Oh, good, the gardener was coming.

'Bloody kids,' he was murmuring, or so Kelly thought she heard through the open window, 'leavin' anything and everything 'ere for a poor ole man to clear away...aaaargh!' And his rant was cut off as the rope tightened around his ankle.

'You kids let me down, you hear! Bloody juvenile delinquents! Kids like you should be kept in a cage!'

Kelly smiled as Tania and Tara poked their tongues out at the gardener and made a run for it.

'Kelly, would you like to share with us what you find so funny?'

The Head Girl was snapped back to English, where she found Miss Dickenson staring at her, hands on hips and tapping her foot. 'Would you like to tell us what you find more interesting than 'Macbeth'?'

'She was daydreamin' abou' Flash!' Taylor called out.

_'Kelly likes Fla-ash!'_ the entire class chanted, as if they were no older than five.

'She does not!' Annabelle wailed, getting to her feet. As soon as she did so, she flushed a bright beetroot colour, realising what she had just done.

'Oohhh..._Belle likes Keee-eeel!'_

'She does not!' Everyone turned to stare at the most unlikely person. Of all people, the emo had just spoken, and possibly inadvertantly admitted she liked...

_'Andrea likes Be-eellle!'_

'Now, girls, let's not play childish point-the-finger games,' Miss Dickinson desperately tried to regain control of the class, but it was too late, because the taunting and accusing had become infectious.

'She do not!'

_'Taylor likes Andrea!'_

'She does not!'

_'Celia likes Taylor!'_

'She does not!'

_'Polly likes Celia!'_

'She does not!'

_'Chelsea likes Celia!'_

'NOBODY LIKES CELIA!' Miss Dickenson screamed, stressed and fed up with the catcalls. 'SIT DOWN, EVERYONE, AND LET'S HEAR NO MORE OF THIS!'

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. THe woman's glasses were askew, her hair sticking up and her face bright red. The poor woman truly was frazzled.

There was a moment of silence.

And then...

_'Miss Dickinson likes Chelsea!'_

'I do not!' the teacher shrieked, bursting into tears. Why, oh why? She was seriously regretting waking the girls up.

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><p><strong>Yeah, well. I think I have now crossed the border of insanity. Ah well. Everyone should be pleased. KelFlash, Belle/Kel, Andrea/Belle, Taylor/Andrea, Celia/Andrea, Polly/Celia and Chelsea/Miss Dickinson references all in the same fic.**


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